dissectinq my relationships .

i wont ever understand why its so hard to have a relationship . any kind of relationship .

findinq love .

the quys i want to be my boyfriend won't commit . and the quys that want to be my boyfriend i'm not feelinq . it's extremely confusinq . i'm a qood qirl . and qood qirls are hard to find these days . so when i'm really feelinq someone and they tell meh that i'd be a perfect qirlfriend buh dont want to commit . i understand if a person wants to be free buh to still want to keep meh here on the side isn't workinq for meh . like honestly you're qoinq to treat me like the rest . nah i'm not feelinq that . over it . done wit . and yet sometimes its just so hard to move on . i wanna believe like maybe this time it's different . maybe this time he's ready . and it never fails . i'm always left disappointed . i'll just always move on and keep focus on the future buh the past is always there in the back of my mind . until a man can really step up . it's just meh , myself , and i .

" me , myself , and i

that's all i got in the end

that's what i found out 

and it ain't no need to cry

i took a vow that from now on

i'm gonna be my own best friend "

friendships .

real friends are hard to find . i have barely any friends i can rely on , talk to about anythinq , or really trust . i have a lot of superficial friendships . the type of friendships where the person is someone you can have fun with buh can't really trust . i've qained and lost many friends over the years over silly shit and serious shit . it really tauqht meh to quard myself aqainst people . there are some people that are bad influences over you , people who use you , people who stab you in the back , etc . i have less friends that don't fit any of those characteristics that i can count on one hand . without usinq all my finqers . i think people need to be picky about who their friends are . i like to be friends with everybody buh it's not easy when people are plain assholes . i can tell who's qoinq to be a qood friend , not only by lookinq how they treat meh buh also treat their other friends . cuhz if they're beinq foul with their other " qood friends " than how do i know that they're not beinq foul with meh . life is hard enouqh without havinq people you thouqht you could trust brinq you down .

" every now and then i get a little easy

i let a lot of people depend on me

i never though they would ever deceive me

don't you know when times got rough 

i was standing on my own

i'll never let another get that close to me

you see i've grown a lot smarter now

sometimes you have to choose and then you'll see

if your friend is true they'll be there with you

through the thick and thin "

the lake show . part five .

you already know . another series down .

lakers vs . nuqqets ;; 4 - 2

movies i'm lookinq foward to .

hood love .

when the money qoes .

" i don't want you to die for
meh , baby , live with meh . "

i hate assumptions .

i hate when people assume the worst out of meh . i try to live my life to be the best person i can possibly be . at time i try to hard to please other people even at the expense of my own happiness . still people assume thinqs about meh without askinq meh about it in the person . buh i hate havinq to explain myself . sometimes i will if the person is important enouqh to my life . buh when they don't believe you , what can you do ? so at the end of the day i let them think whatever they want to . because i know who i am . i know what i do . if that's not enouqh for people then fuck it . thuq life .

qood vibes .

life is so stranqe and random . you lose people in your life just as fast as you qain them . people come back into your life chanqinq it for the worst or the better . the sinqle life ? i tried to live it . tried to move on . tried to talk to different quys and what not . didn't work out . wasn't vibinq with nobody . and i realize why . cuhz nobody compares to that one person . that person that makes meh nervous and comfortable at the same time . part one didn't work out so well . part two miqht not either . oh well . the story is continued . and i'm lovinq it .

t'day was a qood day .

perfect .

the lake show . part four .

they shoulda swept the rockets .

buh finally . these series has ended .

you can't qaurd kobe .

LAKERS vs . ROCKETS

4 - 3

LAKERS , DUH !

they matter .

" some people come into our lives and quickly qo . some stay for awhile , leave footprints on our hearts , and we are never , ever the same . " - flavia weedn .

i love my family . they're always there for meh no matter what . from beqinninq to end . they're the ones that matter most to meh . 

where's the love ?

a year since i've last been in a relationship . like a real relationship . sure i've dated and what not . buh i haven't fully been commited to anybody . honestly , there hasn't been anyone i've wanted to commit to . except for one . this has probably been the lonqest that i haven't had a bf . sure sometimes it's lonely buh i'm qood by myself . i feel a little free . i think that all the relationships i've been in have set a hiqh ass bar for my future relationships . i don't want to settle for anythinq less than what i feel i deserve . because a real ass woman deserves a real ass man . i find flaws in men now a days . i dislike qames . i dislike liars . i dislike cheaters . and it's funny to meh when a quy tries to run qame on meh . buh i'm an observer . i notice the little thinqs . i'm not the jealous type buh i don't like to share . is it too much too ask for some faithfulness . sometimes i qot the mentality of a niqqa that contributes to the reason i can't vibe with anyone . buh seesh . i don't like actinq like a straiqht bitch . yeah i like you buh do i have to be all over your dick to show it ? i don't think so . i need a niqqa to meet meh halfway . i don't want a man who is overly clinqy tho either . like no thirst ? i'm not nosy . i won't sit and qo throuqh your phone behind your back , i'm not qoinq to look throuqh no myspace comments , or anythinq like that . i'll do that shit in front of your face . haha . i don't qo searchinq for shit . shit will always qet back to meh anyways . people aren't as slick as they think they are . oh well i'm not lookinq for someone to vibe with . just patiently waitinq .

do work son .

people ask meh what i've been up to .

work and school . work and school . work and school

work and school . work and school . work and school

work and school . work and school . work and school

work and school . work and school . work and school

work and school . work and school . work and school

work and school . work and school . work and school

barely any time for play . oh well . i'm on my qrind . and i see too many people who say they are and really arent . like please you roll around in a nice car with nice clothes buh ain't qot no qas in the tank . i hate when people take advantaqe of my kindness too . seesh . i'm tired of havinq to pay for thinqs . i'm tired of people borrowinq my clothes . i'm tired of not beinq able to really qo out somewhere cuhz people don't have any money . and people who sit around their house or wherever doinq nothinq to better their future are lame as fuck . like that's not qoinq to qet you anywhere . fuck it . i'm a rise to the top and leave people on the bottom . i live my life lettinq qo of the past and only thinkinq about my present and my future . 

qirls cheat too .

don't understand .

i hate cheaters . i can't stand them . if i'm in a relationship and my siqnificant other cheats on meh there is no way that i can make it work with them . once trust is qone it's way too hard to qain back . so when i see qirls qettinq cheated on and takinq their quys back like nothinq . i d c if you're wifey or not . wifey is not supposed to be cheated on . i don't want to just be number one to a man i want to be one and only . qirls these days have the mentality that it's ok if a man qoes out and plays around with other qirls because its them the man comes home too . fuck that . there is no respect in lettinq a man cheat on you . women should know better . i feel like if a man cheats on you once and they qet away with it then they're qoinq to cheat on you aqain . that's been my experience personally and seeinq what other women qo throuqh . so i don't understand the whole thinq . what happened to carinq about honesty , faithfulness and trust in a relationship ? if a relationship lacks those three then it will just fall apart . 

chris brown jerkinq .

makes meh qiqqle .

the lake show . part three .

yesterday's qame was amazinq . sat riqht next to where the lakers came out . i was jumpinq out my seat waitinq for shannon brown . can you say obsessed ? nah , not even . just in love . haha . met these two samoan quys who made fun of my little crush . aww buh when they came out . so close . it was amazinq . could see the laker bench from my seat and i swear shannon brown was lookinq at meh . at meh , over by meh , same difference . anyways my lakers smashed on the rockets . forty points anybody ? the qame ended and shannon brown shoook my hand . i could've fainted buh i didn't . so i qot to shake hands with trevor arriza , lamar odom , mbenqa , and pau gasol . fuckinq awesome . so as meh and my cousin were leavinq i saw quest crew from america's best dance crew . that was pretty dope . i qot to take pictures with them . they were the half time entertainment . sadly i didn't qet any video cuhz there was no more memory on the camera . buh they're routine was dope .

quest crew

all in all it was a qood niqht . a niqht to remember . i can't wait til the lakers finish out this series and take home the biq prize . i can't wait til the next qame i qet to qo to . fuckinq amazinq .

qirl crush . part two .

mmm . megan fox .

she's my type . qorqeous and outspoken .

outta my system .

my favorite bow wow sonq . it expresses the exact way i feel about a certain person . a year aqo today is when i met him . time flies by .

the lake show . part two .

i love the lakers . that's my team . so for this series i've been qoinq to the laker qames . 

los angeles lakers vs . houston rockets 

i love qoinq to the qames as much as i love watchinq them on tv . the enerqy is addictinq . qame one they lost . was so disappointed . buh they made up for it in qame two which i was also at . sick ass qame . derek fisher qettinq ejected . ron artest qettinq ejected . kobe passinq the ball to himself . and i have a new laker crush . 

shannon brown .

he's a beast on the courts and he's easy on the eyes . omq . i'm in love . i'm qoinq to marry him .

anyways they're takinq the series to houston . and the lakers killed them . straiqht beasts on the courts . and ron artest ejected aqain . derek fisher was suspended for the qame which is alriqht because jordan farmar stepped his qame up for qame three . now the series is 

2 - 1 . LAKERS UP .

tuesday they'll be back in l.a. and i'm most likely qoinq to be at the qame . i can't wait !

pac man .

laid out in the second round .

filipinos are awesome .

=]

qirl crush . part one .

eliza dushku .